Creative Journey Catchup:
After I broke my leg in 2020, my adrenals were all used up and there was nothing left for unsafe situations or physically or emotionally difficult situations. I tried all kinds of things but finally decided to listen to the pitiful cries coming from inside me and I acknowledged that I was hurting myself and I told that fearful girl that I was sorry. I had to keep trying to heal.
Fast forward 4 years later after my broken leg and, in hindsight, I had so many boundaries and boxes around me that I didn’t know when my adrenals would be strong enough for me to step outside of the safety zone I had created for myself.
I see a paradox of opposite truths; my primary goal was safety for my nervous system. But this sense of safety led to feeling numb. Almost like a prison.
Now I am leaning into spark and taking time to listen to that still small voice guiding me with safety. For me, finding God and goodness, again, means finding a balance of creativity, beauty, nature and safety.
I decided to move toward my dreams after my thyroid was removed in 2013 and spent 6 years styling and photographing everything. This was an exciting, exhilarating time to be seeking beauty.
After 6 years I ended up seeing the need for a change because I was burnt out. It turns out that I was an adrenaline junkie on low adrenaline. This meant that after a photoshoot it took me days to recover and rest. It was an all time “high and low.” I decided a more “even keel” approach would be healthier. I decided that creativity that took less energy would be best for my nervous system. I decided to pursue “even keel.” I thought that outdoor, plein air, painting would be the next best thing.
I have been painting for 3 and a half years! I can’t believe it. I started with no experience. I learned from Youtubers. Only in the past year did I start getting a sense of my possible work flow!
Creative Breakthroughs Lately:
The week I started filming my first vlog (watch here) I had many breakthroughs. It was a hard time and a time of freedom. I keep experiencing the same (Artist’s Way) truths over and over again in my creative journey. I always experience difficult transitions and resistance. I had just experienced a double whammy of household projects and ill health. Coming back to creative work was extremely difficult.
I ask myself all the questions (which is really just Resistance). Why am I doing this? When will I make enough money? What exactly should I be pursuing? More resistance: If I try to do too many different things, will it lessen the quality and the potential financial outcome? Sometimes resistance has a ring of truth.
Plein Air Painting Breakthrough
Driving 2 hours by myself
dressing appropriately
protection from the sun
going slow
taking all the tools
allowing for listening to my inner guide each step of the way,
reaching for happiness despite my inherited and inherent sadness and “undeserving of happiness”
not forgetting my health and hoping not to have to rest for days when I get home
The tools
plein air painting stuff with backpack
big cam
fanny pack
and selfie stick
lunch picnic snacks
On this particular “breakthrough” kind of day, I went to the Flower House Cafe by myself for the first time. I climbed up the Ebey’s Landing hill and it felt good, fit a selfie tripod in a fanny pack and that felt good. The wildflowers were amazing, astonishing, and glorious.
I am inspired to do “ALL the things” right now. I have a fresh vision for my life/artist vocation. I got over some bumps in the road and can see the lay of the land. My core is “Creative” & “Maker…”
Thank you for joining me! I look forward to our connection here!
…Adrenaline felt like God. Creativity. Beauty. Nature.
I’d been trying to feel God in the stillness and the safety net. I’m not going to lie; most of the time I’ve felt numb. I’ve been looking for spark. Because spark feels like God. I’ve been leaning into spark and moving toward it. Leaning in. And because I’m giving spark attention -it is happening.
The next time you are feeling dead or numb inside, consider leaning toward spark. Stop, look and listen. Lean in. That’s right! You're on your way! Stay curious about what is “lighting up your life.”
My Spiritual growth in the past couple years has not been exciting but nervous system calming and looking for safety above all.
A few years ago, I did a self help course called “Transformation Time” taught by my artist friend Monica. This course was a turning point for me and I highly recommend it. A few of the top tools, for me, are facing ALL your fears with the truth and being 100% responsible for your happiness.
“How to Really Live In This World” comes to mind. This is what I wanted and knew that my counselors were not going to teach me after many years in and out of therapy. The TT self help course came to me in the same season I voiced these words: how do I really live in this world?
If you are a creative, artist, empath, HSP, introvert, INFJ and/or neurodivergent, then you might relate.
Will you respond, in the comments, and share your top self-help Tools and/or Resources with us? You never know who it might help!